bag bio hazard

Isnapos;t ironic, when things are finally clear for you, that some how in this fucked up world, that things fall like rain, and im not talking the like sprinkle...Im talking about when it fucking poors down. when i finally figure that things are finally okay. That i have my head straight...it blows up in my face and it feels like the whole perfect picture just litteraly blew up in my face and i watched it shatter all the way to the ground. Jake came to my work the other day, and i already wasnapos;t having the best day, and he just wanted to talk and at that point that was alright. We were sitting there chatting and stuff and he felt bad because i was crying and thats def. Not cool. And well he kept explaining that things will get better. =( then he explained to me how he was sick and tired of his relationship and how he liked seeing different faces all the time. And proceeded telling me that he wouldnapos;t mind getting back together, giving it another chance, that i truely made him happy, and that i left him entertained. And that we both fucked ourselves over for now. And all this other shit. And since that day, I havenapos;t exactly felt like myself anymore. its like what the FUCK like why does he have to tell me that. He texts me everyday, he wants to chat all the time, he wants to vistit and meet up...its like Fuck. But i mean he was the first person i loved and i guess its really hard to forget someone like that, and well even thought ive been through my share of assapos;s i mean, i enjoyed what good dats we had, and well i dunno. And i love being with jeff, and even thought we have our good and bad days and i know that alot of them are my fault, and i know that im not the easiest person to put up with...but i hate how he treats me like a child, and how he corrects me over anything weather it big or small. i canapos;t see why when i talk to him, things arnt obvious, its like my mind shuts off and im oblivious to each and eveything that he has ever done to me. And for some reason its like i think things will change, but really i think that they will still be the same as the same day i left jake on his pourch and drove away with tears in my eyes and a broken heart. i donapos;t think that he really has changed, and i think that would be way to much to be asking for. I wanna love like i should i donapos;t want all this confusing shit, i want to love, cash it all in...just have it all for one and one only...but somehow its like this world wants my to live like some confused little girl...Im a grown adult....its about that time that i show i can be faithful.I�donapos;t want to live another realationship unfaithful...I just wish i knew...=( damn

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